Dancing With the Stars recap

On the first night of Dancing With the Stars' season 11 finale, each of the three finalists -- Jennifer Grey, Kyle Massey, and Bristol Palin -- danced a "redemption dance" and the all-important freestyle in their ongoing quest for the COVETED MIRRORBALL TROPHY. Look at that image to your right. I did not commission it to look like that, but with Jennifer and Derek slightly out in front, doesn't it sort of seem like a medal stand? This is probably the way the trio should finish -- Jennifer with Mirror, Kyle with Silver, Bristol with Bronze. Will it happen? Who knows? I'm a Fringe Fairy, not your crystal ball, DANCMSTRs. Pay a visit to your psychic for that s---. (Hey, if Bruno can swear on the show, so can I! That makes no sense!)

Anyone else catch the DANCMSTR license plate backstage? Be still my sequining heart!

Will the judges please reveal their scores? Carrie Ann In-ahhh-ber!

Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough: 30/30 + 30/30 = 60/60 Ms. In-ahhh-ber worked with Jen and Derek before their first-round paso doble (set to "Habanera" from Carmen), so that Jen could redeem herself from the rock-bottom depths of doom: Carrie Ann's own comment that Jennifer's week 6 paso was "way out of control." Well, it worked! "This is the meaning of redemption! This is redemption!" cried Weepy. Dopey rambled on and on, something about an evening in sultry Seville. Pretty sure the flamenco dancer and the golden matador got it on.

But get this: Cranky a.k.a. Len a.k.a. "the middle guy" (quoth Tom) gave Jennifer a standing ovation! It was a lovely mix of expression and aggression, noted the DANCMSTR. Still, I spotted a few mini Derek solos in there, and when she was dancing I began to see what Carrie Ann had meant when she said Jennifer has a tendency to dance between two walls. My favorite moment of this dance was when Derek dipped her while she was spinning and when she suddenly stopped, his hand was clasping her neck at the oddest angle. Agggghhhh! Her neck!

Jen and Derek's freestyle was set to "Do You Love Me" (not "Time of My Life," because that song was really for Patrick Swayze and her) from Dirty Dancing. I'm sure some of you got annoyed by these farmers' blatant milking of the Dirty Dancing cow for all it was worth, but whatever. I thought the idea was fun. Hello, Baby carried a watermelon! (Click that if you have no idea what that meant...or if you did. Nineteen seconds of your life; why not?)

Sure, he could have showcased her talents more, but I feel like Our Pros tend to make a specific decision on what to highlight in the freestyle and just go with that. In this season's case: "sex" (Bristol), party (Kyle), and tricks (Jen). The freestyle, not to mention Jen's two-piece pink costume, reminded me a lot of Derek's freestyle with Brooke. Remember when Derek wore that sparkly pink bikini? It was wild! Anyway, both the full-throttle 180-degree sex dip and the full-body pat down were a bit tamer than their Dirty Dancing counterparts, but that's okay. Jennifer couldn't stop mouthing the lyrics, which was not really okay. Oh, well. 10! 10! 10!