Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough are your season 11 winners of Dancing With the Stars. Who saw it coming? Everyone! Literally anyone who had tuned in for even one episode all season knew this would happen. Blind people knew! The homeless! Babies! And to think a ruptured disc in Jen's back -- discovered yesterday morning during rehearsals beneath a pile of false eyelashes and studded chiffon -- nearly kept her from performing her final two dances. "Not on this planet!" said Dr. Who Cares If You Never Walk Again, the chief attending at Mirrorballus Medical.
Congratulations to the happy couple! "This journey was the gift," Jennifer toldEW after the show. "Saying yes was the gift. Getting Derek as a partner was a huge gift.” Runner-up Kyle Massey eventually chimed in: "I just want pizza."
Jennifer's win marked a three-peat for Derek, the lone 1990s-era Chicago Bull in the swashbuckling stable of Our Pros. "It's heavy, right?" Derek pretended to ask Jen as he lifted the COVETED MIRRORBALL TROPHY just beyond her reach. He couldn't help himself! The confetti source in the rafters was extremely magnetic and just kept pulling it higher and higher towards ballroom heaven. It was a special magnetic field reserved for novelty items composed of the lowest-quality negative-24-karat Mirror on the market. Only the best on DWTS!
Earlier in the show, third-place finisher Bristol Palin had announced that a win would be like "a big middle finger to all the people out there who hate my mom and hate me." So it's confirmed: What really matters on this show is the dancing.
I enjoyed this classic exchange between Our Hosts just after Jennifer announced her most recent medical malady.
LIVELY TOM: I won't say 'break a leg!'
MONOTONE BROOKE: It's live television and anything can happen. We'll be right back.
Kyle, Bristol, and Jennifer danced twice so the judges could pretend there was still suspense in the air for a topic other than "Will Jennifer live?" First, Kyle and Lacey brought back their tango. With his new-and-improved abs, Kyle earned a 26. Bristol and Mark tangoed, too. 25! Bristol decided it was worth it to break the hold again and whip her hair around for a few seconds in the middle of the routine. Bruno said this was the dance that had earned her a place in the finale. (?!). Len laid it out in layman's terms. "[Kyle's] got the wow, but you've got the how," he assured Bristol. Oh, Len. How? Jen and Derek book-ended their journey (and the two-part season finale's Dirty Dancing quota) with a repeat of Week 1's Viennese waltz set to "These Arms of Mine." Perfect 30!.
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