Both the encore performance round and theinstant cha cha round were tedious and uneventful, but I did find the "use" of the red velvet-lined Mirrorbowl extremely gratifying. First of all, that thing is huge. I love to just watch Brooke battle it for attention in the celebriquarium. Its mere presence is a win, no matter what. Brooke gestured to the Mirrorbowl slightly when she announced with zero fanfare whatsoever that the contestants' upcoming instant cha chas would be set to "Raise Your Glass" by Pink. You guys know that song? Everyone nodded, sure, sure, we've been casually aware of it for days. So the only point of having the Mirrorbowl there at all was so the contestants could "draw" dance orders from it. Jennifer completely overshot what should have been a simple move and dramatically stuffed the envelope down her dress. Can you blame her? The Mirrorbowl is so big, so red, so desperate for action. (Much like Bristol's fringed cha cha pants.) "In season 12, we'll show you creative places to hide your mirrorballs," Tom promised. What a tease.
The instant cha cha round was all about the costume choices. Lacey went with a full-length lace bodysuit that could have garnered them millions of viewer votes if she'd worn it on Monday (hey, you never know -- why not be generous? it's the finale! and it's Thanksgiving!) so to wear it this late in the game struck me more as just a mild f--- you to Len. Loved it. Jen had changed into her gold fringed pants, which I must love on principle because hello, fringe, but seriously? You're about to be pictured holding that giant knob of glitter and you could wear anything for these pictures and you go with fringed pants? Madness! Bristol also tried the fringed pants, in red. She did much better in this round than ever before, probably because the idea of never having to remember steps in front of millions of haters ever again had sent her to a tranquil state of 100% Pure Chillax. Good for her! Still, the contrast between Bristol and Jen's fringed pants was almost laughable. Even though Bristol did well according to her own unique standards, Bristol still can't quite...dance, you know? So she honestly looked like a long-haired Elmo or some other sort of Muppet. Maybe Clifford? I know he's not a Muppet, and ugh, I can tell it's going to seem like I'm calling Bristol Palin a dog. Really, I just think it seemed like she was wearing a "creature costume" instead of dance clothes. I know you know what I'm talking about!
Kyle and Jen ended up earning the same cha cha score: 28. Bristol got a 27. Final point tally: Jennifer 118 / Kyle 110 / Bristol 104. I giggled every time Brooke called out another increasingly meaningless set of numbers. Who cares? So what? cried Joy Behar, somewhere out there. Then, finally, some progress, plot-wise: Bristol was eliminated with about 10 minutes left in the show. I marveled at the way Tom gave off a sense of authority and good will while really saying absolutely nothing at all. Look at this sentence! "The thing that's going to last with me, all the other nonsense aside: Here's a young woman who got into her truck, drove five days down to Los Angeles, and lasted all the way into the finale. Good for you." No, good for you, Tom! That was stunning.
All of the season 11 Stars returned to Planet Mirrorballus for an encore performance -- except Michael Bolton, who was singing in London, and Audrina Patridge, who had come down with a nasty case of Didn't Feel Like Coming. It's a sexually transmitted disease. Nah, I'm kidding. She was sick. Maybe her boyfriend was in the mood for Thai takeout instead of Mexican? I know that's why I never follow through on my commitments!
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